Jealousy in Adulting

It’s a weird, uncomfortable topic-jealousy. We all pretend we don’t own any piece of it but there are moments in our lives, in everyone’s life, that we experience it to some degree. Having an older sister, I know we had times where that was an issue. Boys, who got boobs first, who’s hair is longer..stupid shit. In middle school it’s clothes, in high school it’s who you’re dating, what car you’re driving, what college you get into, but we assume when school ends that kinda thing dissipates however what happens when you grow up isn’t much different.

My first taste of adulthood jealousy was before I was an adult, way way before as a matter of fact. My parents divorced, my mom was broke, then remarried, started a company and made millions. In that process you witness the come and go of friends who are less fortunate, those who don’t live as lavish and don’t like the way you do. I’ve also seen it go the complete opposite direction in that the more fortunate friends come and go when the money leaves. If you grow up living the “Siesta Key” life, and you think those friends will stay once mommy and daddy stop funding you, you’re kidding yourself. Once the parties leave, the crew does too.

My second taste was when I got pregnant with my first baby. Some people simply didn’t like the fact that I was 19, pregnant, and happy. “You should be older.” “I should have done this before you.” “Typically the relationship doesn’t work out.”
 I lost a good amount of  so-called friends through that process for one reason or another. And again when Dylan and I got married. When someone has reoccurring relationship problems and sees you in a successful one for a long time, sometimes their nasty comes out. Things they wouldn’t normally say or do just because of jealousy. Seeing other people struggle can justify things in our life. It’s gross and true. Like “damn they don’t have half of what I have, I’m doing pretty well.” or “they’re struggling too so I’m not alone.”

Jealousy can also turn a sweet new mama into a comparison game nightmare, social media’s impact on that is pretty severe. Jealousy to the beastfeeding mom, jealousy to the bottle feeding mom, to the stay at home mom, to the working mom, to the married mom, to the single mom. We compare every aspect of our parenting and question our decisions, we say things we don’t mean and we think things that aren’t true. It makes it all feel even more overwhelming!

I’m no saint, I won’t pretend I don’t feel jealous at times, sometimes jealousy can be motivation.
I find it interesting and sad, however, that as a community we face jealousy in many aspects I would have never imagined-everything from income to skin color. Be proud of what you have. Stay in your lane. Love who you are, where you are in your life. You are so worth that.